Commentary

Prevention Myth

“Often after an affair comes to light, outside observers will speculate unfairly and ignorantly that the betrayed wife must have been reluctant or inadequate in the bedroom, or that the husband of an unfaithful wife was spending too much time at work, and this explains the affair. Just as uninformed gossips often blame inadequacies or weaknesses in the betrayed partner, women are more prone than men to blame themselves for their partner’s infidelity. They think if only they had been more desirable (loving, available, competent, sexy, slender…), the affair would never have happened.
This is what I call the Prevention Myth, which states that a loving partner and a good marriage will prevent affairs. This misconception is not supported by any research, even though it is commonly cited as fact on television shows and in popular books about how to affair-proof your marriage. Any advice based on this bad assumption and simplification of a complex issue is misleading. The fact is, sometimes an affair can be understood by exploring deficiencies in the marriage, but often it cannot.” (Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass, p. 61)

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