Commentary

April Fool’s Day message

Xxx,

Since you have publicly maligned me, albeit without naming me, but which reference to me is clear to those who are our common friends, let me state publicly some things, in the hope that your friends and our common friends may be guided as to what transpired.

At the outset, let me state for the record that I take offense in your statement that “Dili tanang babay parehas sa imong mga naandang klase sa babay!”, insinuating that my previous girlfriends are what society generally considers “cheap” women. My nine-year-long ex-girlfriend is currently a manager of one of the five-star hotels here in Cebu. After her, I got into a relationship with a college instructor, now currently teaching in one of the premier state universities here in Cebu while finishing her Ph. D. in education. Then I got into a relationship with a medical doctor, formerly a municipal health officer of one of the towns of Cebu, and currently running her own diagnostic clinic business. There was also a brief liason with a medical student who comes from a wealthy family. In one way or another, I still love each of these women, and even if my relationships with each one of them did not end up in marriage (all of them unfriending me on FB, two of them actually blocking me), I still respect them, and I take offense when they are referred to in less than respectful terms.

After all, there was a time in my life (nine years or nine weeks, it does not matter) when each of these women was the center of my attention.

Which you could have been. Unfortunately, my initial attempt to get to know you better was not reciprocated in any form, and I simply do not have time to pursue you, with my multiple activities as a lawyer of a children’s NGO, as a part-time instructor at a state university, a columnist of a weekly magazine, a host of a weekly radio show, plus my private practice as a lawyer and my advocacies for women’s rights, Cebuano language culture and federalism. (Also, I was dating other women and I had an affair with Red Horse, but those are beside the point.)

If you recall, we went out once, and after that, my attempt to communicate with you either through FB messaging or text went largely unheeded. From the very start, I never entertained the idea that you would fall in love with me or even at least like me. Thus, there is simply no basis for you to state that I acted as if you liked me, because I never thought you did. I had reconciled myself early on with the fact that you would be one of those women I would have to appreciate only at a distance (there are many of you!).

In fact, if not for that friend of yours who told me that you told her that you liked me, I would not have been reminded of my interest in you. On March 6, 2015, at 7:22 P.M., this friend of yours (yf) texted me, “Atty.,do u like xxx?i met her this morning..” Our conversation continued:

7:24 P.M. (me) “It does not matter if I like her since he [sic] does not like me.”
7:25 P.M. (yf) “How did u know that she dont [sic] like u?”
7:27 P.M. (me) “I tried showing her that I like her and she did not reciprocate.”
7:28 P.M. (yf) “Ok..until now?”

I did not reply further.

And for the record, I had only told four people including your friend regarding my interest in you. You ask the other three, and I am very sure that they are going to tell you that I had never been confident that I could win your heart. Because I never believed that. Our age gap notwithstanding, you seem to have an allergic reaction to lawyers, as if we are the cause of all troubles in the world.

Now regarding that friend of yours:

I have every right to deny her, because there was never anything between myself and her. I do not deny that I went out with her on the nights of February 28, March 7 and 14, 2015. Heck, I even rode on their family car, with her younger sister driving, on the night of February 27, 2015, up to Highway Mandaue. But to equate my drinking Red Horse with her on those three nights (2/28, 3/7, 3/14) with showing interest in her as a girlfriend is a bit of a stretch and a gross disrespect to women everywhere who know how to have a good time with their male friends without getting romantically attached to them. Heck, I could have had any drinking partner those nights, if I wanted to, and if she did not present herself.

In fact, the story that is circulating among our common friends that I am planning to propose to her on her birthday is entirely false. Right after our drinking session on February 28, she texted me:

10:54 P.M. (yf) “Next time i will bring u in [sic] my place”
10:55 P.M. (yf) “Ganahan ka?”
10:56 P.M. (me) “Haha bantay ha. Ig-birthday nimo!”
11:04 P.M. (yf) “Layo ra ang birthday”
11:20 P.M. (yf) “Atty,unsa imong wish pra sa imong self?”
11:25 P.M. (me) “Madato. Haha”
11:28 P.M. (yf) “wa ka mangandoy naa asawa?”
11:40 P.M. (me) “Wa na. Haha”
11:41 P.M. (yf) “Ngano man?”
11:42 P.M. (me) “Nganong mangandoy sa butang di maimo? Usik lang ang paninguha”
11:42 P.M. (yf) “Hahaha sama ganeha” (referring to a sexy woman who was in the place where we were drinking, which I had my eyes on)
11:42 P.M. (me) “Asa ato? 😛”
11:43 P.M. (yf) “What if sir no,kita magdayon?”
11:45 P.M. (me) “Haha di man tingali ta sexually compatible 😛”
11:48 P.M. (yf) “Why man?”
11:49 P.M. (me) “I don’t think you like sex as much as i do”
(March 1, 2015)
12:04 A.M. (yf) “Unsaon pag like if way partner”
12:05 A.M. (me) “Haha kadaghan diha pwede ipartner. Di man gani ko maglisod nga im a man. Kaw pa kaha”

Pray, tell, where in this conversation can you find me showing any hint of liking her? If it all, she was the one trying to lure me into her snares (“What if sir no,kita magdayon?”), which I deftly avoided (“Haha di man tingali ta sexually compatible 😛”).

On March 7, 2015, she was the first one to text me:

7:53 P.M. (yf) “Sir kuyog ta uli ha,sm ra man ko…until what time mahuman imo class?”
7:54 P.M. (me) “9.30 ko out pa. inom ta gamay na”
8:01 P.M. (yf) “dugay pa diay..”
8:01 P.M. (yf) “Asa man pud?”
8:02 P.M. (me) “Sa charcoal sa escario..or theres a new place sa may lahug nga wa pa nako masulayi”
8:03 P.M. (yf) “Dugay ta mauli?”
8:04 P.M. (me) “Sayo lang ta kay exam ko sa community organizing ugma” (referring to my Advanced Community Organizing class for my masters)
8:06 P.M. (yf) “Unsa nga sayo?naa pa ko klase tom @ 8;30”
8:06 P.M. (me) “Max na tingayi na 10.30”
8:09 P.M. (yf) “Mandaue nako ana kasakay”

Again, where in this conversation can you find me showing any hint of liking her?

In fact, on March 14, 2015, she was the one who invited me to dinner, after which we had another drinking session.

I never did any act which could remotely be construed as liking her. She was the one running after me, and I say that simply as a statement of what really transpired. That’s not to brag – I know my real worth, and there had also been quite a few women who had turned down my attempts to pursue them.

To reiterate:
1. I never bragged that you liked me, because I know you don’t.
2. I was never interested in your friend as a girlfriend. I did ask her out on March 7, 2015 to accompany me in drinking, but that was only after a prior drinking session (2/28/15) which she initiated.

Regarding this reference to my “wealth” – you might be surprised to know that I’m actually one of the poorest lawyers here in Cebu. I don’t even have my own car, and I take PUJs most of the time.

Regarding this “getting whatever I want” – I get whatever I want because I simply stop wanting those I could not get… like your love. End of story.

I really hope you could talk to people other than your friend, esp. those in the best position to know more about your friend.

Respectfully,

Vince Isles

P.S. HAPPY APRIL FOOL’S DAY!

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